Assault on Jacob
by christinemarie13
Summary: Jacob and Bella have just broken up and a certain someone feels like she should be his shoulder, or possibly chest, to cry on. One-shot.


**So this is just a little short story that I cooked up. Not very long, but I hope enjoyable. Special thanks goes out to Ssenillek Reh for her great feedback, and just for being totally awesome. Haha.**

**JPOV**

I walked into the lunch room and went to get my lunch. There was so much to choose from and I couldn't decide, so I opted to grab a little bit of everything. I picked a slice a pizza, a sloppy jo, an order of french fries, a bowl of mashed potatoes, a cup of pudding, and a cup of Jell-O. I was about to pay for everything when I decided to add an apple, after all it was my New Year's resolution to be a bit healthier.

I paid for everything and made my way to my table. My friends were still lagging behind doing God knows what, so I had the table all to myself. I was just about to dig into my plentiful feast when Jessica walked up to my table. Oh great, she probably found out about my break-up with Bella. I don't usually talk to her, mostly because she's a total skank and I'd rather not get close enough to catch whatever diseases she's carrying, but she is always trying to catch my eye. _Ah man!_ _Now who is going to help me fight off all of the sluts that throw themselves at me daily, _I thought dismally_._ I finally looked up at her when she hadn't been detered by my nonresponsiveness. I noticed that she had a sad look on her face, which didn't make any sense seeing as now I was free for her to take. _As if!_ I mentally scoffed.

"Hello Jacob," she said in a low tone as she shook her head back and forth.

"Hey Jessica. Did you want something?" I asked with real curiosity as she sat down across from me and grabbed my hand.

"I just wanted to let you know that I'm here for you if you ever need to talk," she said, trying to put as much sincerity into it as possible.

"Okay, I'll keep that in mind. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a big lunch to eat," I replied in hopes of chasing her off.

Just as I was about to pull my hand away so that I could start eating Jessica made this strangled sound in her throat. As I opened my mouth to ask her what was wrong, she grabbed both of my hands and looked straight into my eyes.

"Jacob, food cannot fill the void," was her cryptic statement.

"Huh?"

"I know that you're hurting and I'm here to tell you that food cannot heal that hurt."

"What?" I think this girl has totally lost her mind.

"All this food," she said as she waved her hand over my tray, "will not fill that hole inside of you. But I can. I can fill your hole."

_Fill my hole_, what the hell was that supposed to mean? Did she think I was gay or something? I'm kind of starting to feel violated. Does this constitute as sexual harassment? Maybe if I yell rape and run away she'll leave me alone.

Suddenly she stood up and moved to my side of the table. I was just about to move away from her when she grabbed my head and pressed it into her chest. _Great, now she's moved onto sexual assault_.

"Come on Jacob, let it all out. I'm here for you."

Her boobs were getting in the way of my mouth and nose and I couldn't breathe. I ended up making a muffled cry in my attempt to get a breath in.

"Oh, that's right Jacob, cry those feelings out. I'm right here. Everything is going to be just fine."

_Yeah, if I can get you off of me_, I thought to myself as I tried to disentangle myself from her grip. Where was a teacher when you needed one? And how in the hell was she managing to keep me captive. I swear she's almost two feet shorter than I am, and _she_ has the upper hand? How is she pulling that off?

I finally managed to break free from her claws and made a mad dash for the men's restroom, Jessica right on my heels. I hoped that even in her crazed state she wouldn't follow me in here, but I can't say I was all too confident. I stood at the door waiting to see if she was even half way coherent enough to pay attention to the sign on the door. After a few seconds of her not bursting in to attack me, I let out a sigh of relief. _At least I'm safe for a little while, _I thought as I began to relax. As I turned around to catch my breath I saw that this was where my friends Quil and Embry had been hiding out.

"Dudes, you will so not believe what just happened to me."

**I hope you enjoyed my comical little one-shot. Who knows, maybe I'll end up adding more onto this. I don't usually write comedic stuff, so this could be my outlet for what little comes out. Once again, I hope you enjoyed. Please leave me a review! Positive, negative, praising me for my magnificent writing skills, lol, whatever you feel, just write. Thanks for reading!**


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